Tales from the Bathroom

One day, back when we lived and worked at Avatan - a nudist resort - Phoenix hadn't been born yet, and Gryffin was between 6-8 months old. James had been working for a while, and really had to go to the bathroom. He held it as long as he could, and then he walked all the way across the resort, into our trailer, and over to the toilet. Mind you, this was a nudist resort, so he wasn't wearing clothes.

Suddenly, he feels like something is pushing on his sack and forcing his legs to the sides. He looks down to see that Gryffin had crawled into the bathroom and pulled himself so that he was now standing, trying to look into the toilet, between James' legs. Almost as if he was thinking: What's going on? What's making that sound?

James frantically tried to push Gryffin's head out of the way so that he wasn't peeing on him, but not so hard that he hurt him. He literally could not stop peeing, so he yells out for me to come help him. Of course, my version of help was to get to the bathroom door and bust up laughing, while James was dancing around trying not to pee on our son OR all over the floor.

I eventually walked over and grabbed Gryffin and took him away, leaving James to finish peeing in peace. James grumbled about me not helping sooner and how embarrassing it was to damn near pee on our baby. I laughed and said that it may be embarrassing, but that's how babies learn to go to the bathroom.

After that, every time James went to the bathroom, I'd grab Gryffin and rush after him. "Come here! Daddy's going to show you something important. James wanted to kill me! And honestly, it didn't really help as it took Gryffin forever to potty train, lol!

But then, when he did...

One day, in our "new" apartment in St. Cloud, James walks into the bathroom - because he had to pee again - to find Gryffin... He says that if you have ever seen a child doing an elephant walk on their hands and feet with their legs straight and their arms straight, well, that's what Gryffin was doing. Only he was on the toilet peeing into the bowl.

James started laughing his ass off because Gryffin was also dancing! Wiggling his ass back and forth as he watched the pee go into the toilet. Shaking his head in amusement, James called for me to come see, and I did just in time. I started laughing too, and then we both clapped because at this point, Gryffin was WAY overdue to potty train!

I guess we just needed to make it interesting for him, lol!

Drama? Let's create our own opera!

One day, hubby and I were bickering. I get miffed whenever he yells because I grew up being yelled at constantly for no reason, and he brings back bad memories when he yells. SO, I got fed up and told my hubby that if he wanted to yet at us for any reason, he needed to sing it!

Right away, hubby says: "No, that would never work." I ask: "Why not?"

And that's when hubby belted out with: "♫ Shut up you fucking bitch, I cannot stand this!♫ See? Wouldn't work."

I started laughing so hard and was also amazed that my hubby can sing opera pretty well, lol! I asked, between giggles: "Why not?"

James replied: "Because you won't take me seriously like this!"

I exclaimed: "But that's the point!"

At the time, we were living in an apartment building, and hubby continues: "That and the neighbors would be wondering what the hell we were listening to!" He goes on to imitate a neighbor. "They'd be all like: Oh man, that opera is cussing up a storm! What? Is Pavarotti drunk?!"

We started giggling, imaging what it would be like to come up with a whole operatic scene and have a microphone or something up against the wall to see if we could pick up what the neighbors were saying about us. Would they think that we actually were watching somesort of fucked up opera, or would they have realized that we were shouting obscenities at each other - think that we must have gone psycho - and called the cops on us?

Both options would have been hilarious! I tell ya, we spend a lot of time coming up with schemes to drive others crazy, lol!

Hey, can I borrow your car?

Hubby suddenly starts giggling like a mad man, so I tentatively ask: "What?" He says: "Can you imagine if I set up a device - like some sort of vibrator - that once put in the trunk of our car, would randomly make it sound like something is in there thumping to get out? Oh! And even better, have something in there with just enough weight rolling back and forth to make the car rock!"

I LMAO! Hubby continues: "You know that someone would eventually call the cops, and we could be sitting in a cafe or something watching the events unfold. We could have it on a remote control so that it only happens when someone walks by the car! And then when the Cops arrive, push another button to immediately open the trunk so that they don't damage our car while trying to get into it!"

I laugh even harder and add: "Oh! And have it set so that - without anyone realizing it - something sprays out of the car when the trunk opens so that previously invisible blood drops and bloody foot prints show up leading away from the car!"

James replies: "You know what, we should probably do that to our friend's car instead..."

Safe Sex

I read a headline about California offering free condoms to kids as young as 12. As you might expect, there was plenty of parents making comments like: "Why are you encouraging sex rather than abstinence?!" and: "This is how we end up with rampant teen pregnancy!"

Then there were parents who are like: "No matter what we do, teens who want to have sex are going to have sex. I'd rather that mine be safe and use condoms!" And: "I have no problems passing out condoms so long as you teach them all the possible consequences of having sex."

I got to thinking - once again - how cool it would be to have a class in school, or perhaps not IN school, but out of school in a building all it's own, that teaches kids safe sex... wait for it...

Hands on!

Yep, I mean that literally. Teach them the skills necessary to be good lovers WITHOUT intercourse. Teach them oral skills. Teach them tactile skills such as basic massage. Have them practice on each other - gender separate at first, but then co-ed for a bit. After that, they can decide which sex they prefer.

Of course there would be some caveats. First of all, there would have to be a generally agreed upon age for the students. I'm going to go with 16 because it's the age of consent, but I think that younger teens could participate if they wanted to WITH parental consent. Second of all, ALL the students would need to be tested for STDs before entering the class. After all, this class is meant to teach SAFE sex, and the best way to do that is to emphasize the reality of STD's and also emphasize using protection to avoid pregnancy.

ALSO keep in mind that I already said that there would be NO intercourse in the class. The purpose of the class is to teach teens to be good and CONFIDENT lovers who do not cave into pressure to have sex if they don't want to, and know how to be safe if they do want to.

Think about it for a moment. Say you are a girl - a REALLY shy girl - and for the first time ever, you have a boy paying attention to you and begging you to let him have sex with you. Far too often, those girls don't know how to say no, and they also don't want the boy to stop paying attention to them. So... they give in. And then they get pregnant because he also insisted that she wouldn't make him use a condom if she loved him.

HOWEVER, if this shy girl took a class where she learned to relax. Learned to choose the right form of birth control for her. Had actual experience with sex - enough to know that she doesn't need to depend on the first boy that is nice to her... I completely believe that she would then be strong enough to say: "Hey! If all you want to do is play around on me, I'm okay with that (or not as the case may be), but let's be smart about this. Let's make sure we don't get pregnant!"

Now, you may be wondering why I am posting this on my husband's blog and not mine; well, here's why.

So I am talking to my hubby about this kind of school, and he's nodding in agreement. He thinks that it would be a good idea too. Then I made the comment of:

"And the best part is that once a person warms up and gains a bit of confidence, the class would be almost impossible to fail!"

He replies: "Oh no! People would be failing it left and right!"

I'm seriously confused! "What? Why?"

"They'd be like, I still don't know what I'm doing, so I have to take the class again, heh heh."

I laugh! "Oh! I get it, but why would they need to fail to take the class again?"

He scoffs: "Well duh, there'd be way too much demand for the class and not enough space."

Especially from the boys, lol! So I ask: "But wait, do you think boys would even go for it. I mean I do know - or at least I've heard - that teenaged boys will often sit around a room masturbating (meaning a bunch of them together), but it's ingrained in American society that boys touching boys is wrong and I just can't see too many boys signing up for a class that would require them to practice on boys for a bit before they got to the girls."

Hubby shrugs. "That's an ego thing. If it's just one or two boys doing it, and then words gets out, they get embarrassed because then people think they are having gay sex. BUT if it's a bunch of boys sitting around doing it (mutual masturbation or practicing on each other) THEN it's not such a big deal. They are all in it together. They know that if any ONE of them rats on another, then he's ratting on himself too."

Okay, so basically boys probably would want to take a class where they could learn how to be good and responsible lovers, even if it meant having to practice on other boys for a bit. Cool!

Then the conversation moved on.

I ask: "Could you imagine if this WAS a class that was offered in highschool? Then one day, the accreditation board comes in to make sure that basic standard are being met at the school, and they go around asking students: what's you favorite class? No! Imagine this, they walk into a math class where everyone is staring at the teacher like they are half-zombies, and the accreditation board asks them what their favorite class is, and they all jump up and shout: SEX ED!"

James doesn't even skip a beat; he immediately pretends to be checking off a box on a form and mutters: "That's the 15th class to say that today..."

LMAO!