Crushing the Ego

When James was about 17 years old, he started working at Hardees in Blaine off of 109th and University.  On his first day there, he was told that one of the other employees was a bit of an asshole and had gotten into the pants of most of the women/girls who had worked there... Even the married woman whose husband worked there too.

But - as an asshole - the women soon grew wise to his antics and quite a bit of bickering and conflict would ensue. So, James decided to do what he does so well... crack jokes and play pranks.

One day, as the ass was berating one of the girls for not doing her job the way he wanted her to, James stood behind him sweeping. He waved to get the girl's attention, and then silently mimed like he was blowing up a balloon. Then he pretended to let the air from the balloon flow into his right ear and mimed like it was coming out of his left ear. In other words, he was letting her know that he thought the ass was full of hot air.

She tried to keep a straight face, but could not help but bust up laughing. The ass spun around to look at James and demanded: "What did you say to her?!?!"

James plastered an innocently confused look on his face and asked: "What? You're standing between us. If I had said anything to her, you would have heard me." The ass couldn't argue the point and so stomped off in a huff.

On another day, James decided that his attitude was getting on his nerves, so James felt like a little bit of mischief was in order. He got two pieces of paper and wrote shoot me on one and kick me on the other. Then he put tape on the back of the shoot me sign and on the FRONT of the kick me sign. Putting the signs together so that the shoot me sign would stick but that the kick me sign wouldn't, he very overtly patted the asshole's back and then walked away.

The ass knew something was fishy, so he immediately turned around and saw the kick me sign fall to the ground. He picked it up and smugly crumpled it into a ball, probably thinking my husband was too stupid to put the sign on his back correctly. He even tossed the crumpled up sign at James, who shrugged and acted like he was foiled, no big deal.

For at least an hour - during a lunch rush - ALL the customers that came into the lobby to order food from him as the cashier saw the sign on his back and laughed at him. A soft little snickering laugh that assumed that he was probably trying to be funny on purpose. No one said a word to him!

Eventually, the manager wondered what was so funny, and came over to see for herself. She stopped the ass, turned him around so she could see his back, and then murmured: "Oh," as she walked away. The ass couldn't figure out what was wrong, but was now aware of everyone laughing at him. He continued to do his job for another 10 minutes before the manager finally took pity on him and pulled the sign off his back and handed it to him.

He growled angrily, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it at James. The customers in the lobby at the time now realized that the ass HADN'T known about the sign, and busted up laughing so hard that they couldn't look him in the eye as they tried to order their food.

This was not the end of the shenanigans though. James made it a point of pride to pick on the ass as often as possible, driving him to punch the door to the large walk in cooler/freezer repeatedly.

One night, as James was about to get off work, he grabbed a roll of the stickers that they used to seal the wrappers of the sandwiches made during breakfast. The roll of stickers depicted a smiley sun face. This gave him an idea...

Bringing the roll outside with him, James used the stickers to create a HUGE smiley face on the windshield of the car belonging to the ass. Just as he was finished, the ass came outside to throw away a bag of garbage, and James smiled at him as he said: "Big smile; big smile!"

The ass didn't know what was up, and so was confused. James grabbed a friend, went next door to the Super America gas station to fill up, and then went through the drive through of Hardees to order a meal with his employee discount. 

At some point, the ass must have noticed the stickers on his car, because when he heard my husband's voice, he screeched in rage and dove out the drive through window to try to choke him. James took it in stride, acting like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Of course, a manager saw this behavior and reprimanded the ass.

Shortly thereafter, James turned 18 and got a job at Super America. A month or so later, a girl who worked at Hardees told him that the ass was now on suicide watch. To his credit, James felt a little bad... I think, lol!